Mealtimes with your kid are stressful.

Most parents have dealt with the stress of trying to ensure their children eat healthy. There are some tried-and-true approaches (like the division of responsibility by Ellyn Satter), but mealtimes can still be a balancing act. If your mealtimes have become stressful or you would like to shift how you manage them, it makes sense to take a step back and explore what other options you might have to address your current dilemma.

Complex problems are often vague, and that means they have many possible solutions. Following the Meta-Problem Method may lead you to a distant dilemma from the one that started your quest. A key part of the method's value is that it forces you to clarify what you really want and what you are willing to give up. It also enables you to compare objectively the possible pathways and their trade-offs. It prevents you locking into solutions mode too early, and then doubling down on solving a low-yield problem that does not serve your goals as well as the alternatives. At the end of this process, you will have a better understanding of your priorities and how to achieve them.

Step in the Meta-Problem Method	Illustrative Example
Dilemma The high-level issue you are trying to address	Mealtimes with your kid are stressful.
Goal The changes you would like to make to address the dilemma. There are usually many options. Selecting the best set comes after you learn what is possible.	Supporting Goals Less arguing about food. Your kid eats healthy meals. Adults and kids eat the same food. Adults are more calm.
Problem Space While goals tell us what we want, our next step is to understand what is holding us back from making progress on them. This approach is borrowed from calculus as we explore the neighborhood of the current dilemma.	For each goal that you are considering, ask yourself: What would it take to make progress? How much effort would it take to make progress? What methods might help us make progress? What might the positive or negative effects be on the other goals as you make progress towards the current one? Example Problems: How could we reduce arguing at mealtimes? Are there specific triggers that cause the conversation to escalate? For example, are there always options that the child finds acceptable, or are there some meals where only disliked foods are offered? If arguing is linked to what options are available, maybe tweaking options slightly (including crackers with a non-preferred chili) will avoid negative cycles. How could we help the child have just slightly healthier food? Do they need different options, seasonings, sauces, or more exposure? For example, children generally eat more vegetables when given a dip to go with it. Some foods may just never be their favorites, but it can take 50 exposures to develop a taste for something. How could we move towards eating the same food? Is it a matter of timing for dinner, demonstrating independence, or practice? For example, serving meals family-style where the child serves themselves can ensure everyone has the same options and increases their exposure to more things. Are there any underlying issues that may be increasing stress levels? Does the adult need to look into new strategies or seek professional support for either themselves or their kid? For example, if the child continues to have a very limited set of food they are willing to eat, there may be other issues that need to be identified. Evaluation be a professional for feeding issues or therapy for the parents to help understand their responsibilities may help.
High-Yield Problems Sometimes solving one problem helps make progress towards several goals. In this step, we identify these “two-for-the-price-of-one” problems.	Which Options Will Advance More Than One Goal? Work with your kid to come up with meal ideas. If this approach works, it can reduce stress, help kids eat healthier, help them feel independent, and lead to more quality family time as you both cook and eat together. Carefully include enough options your kid likes at each meal. This can ensure both adults and kids eat the same meals and also reduce arguing. Develop rules about trying non-preferred foods each time they are offered. This can help kids gain enough exposures that they learn to like healthier and more adult flavors. Seek professional support. If this is what the kid or adult needs, it is the best way to reduce stress at mealtimes. Et cetera.
Problem Selection Which of the many possible options in the high-yield problem step is the best set to address the dilemma?	Selection Criteria Which problem will best support the goals? Which problem will deliver the best outcome for the least amount of time, effort and money? What have we already tried that hasn't worked? Why?  By this point in the Meta-Problem Method, you have clarified your goals, identified some options you could take, weighed the trade-offs that come with each of those options, rejected some options because they will take more time, effort or money than the results are worth, and you have identified a set of high-yield problems that will advance several of your goals at once. Now you are ready to start solving a problem knowing what you expect to achieve.
Implement, Learn and Adapt	Observe and learn as you go. New information may reveal itself as you implement your chosen solution, so check continuously that you’re still solving the right problem.